My New Year's Resolutions 2016
On the eve of the new year I thought I'd do something I've never done before. Make new year's resolutions.
Every year I do the same thing. I think 'oh I should really do this or that this year, I should be healthier, I should drink less or run more'. I never write them down and by the 2nd of January they're almost always forgotten.
This year I feel different. I feel as though I want to make positive changes to my life for myself, for Harry and for my family. And not superficial ones. Like one's that are actually important to your well being. So here are my resolutions for 2016.
1. Give less shits.
I get anxious. I get stressed. Really stressed. About the future mainly, and running out of money, but also about the clutter lurking in the under sink cupboard and other such trivialities.
My new year's resolution this year is to give less shits. About everything. Because if there's one thing 2015 taught me it's that stress and anxiety manifest themselves in people in hideous physiological ways. They don't just affect your state of mind or outlook on the world. They are present in the way you walk, how you carry your shoulders, in your heart, in your eyes. Stress is real and it's fucking dangerous.
I know it's not so simple as to just 'stop stressing' but I have learned that life is full of risks and it's better to step outside the door everyday expecting that than to fret indoors at possibilities that have not yet come to pass.
2. See more.
I have walked a lot recently. Outside. Round and about where I live. Isn't there a lot to see and to appreciate. Only towards the end of the year, as Harry started to become more receptive and aware of his surroundings, did it dawn on me. In life, it's not so much about doing more, it's about seeing more.
A large proportion of my life, I now recall, has been spent rushing around doing lots of things and taking entirely none of it in. Not really. Not enough.
This year I want to take the time to see, to look up, to pause in the middle of whatever I am doing, wherever I am and really look at what surrounds me. Life spins by us fast enough. I resolve to try to slow it down a little. To show it to my son, and make sure he gets a chance to really see it.
3. Listen better.
Once upon a time not so long ago, I found talking to people quite difficult. I kind of am one of those perplexed souls who finds it hard sometimes (a lot of times actually) to speak to other people. For no real reasons, other than a) caring too much about what other people might think of me and b)becoming so engrossed in what they might be thinking about me that I have no real idea about what they are talking about. This is pointless, kind of selfish and totally exhausting.
This year I want to learn to listen better because listening to what other people have to say is not only important, it's also far more interesting than listening to my overbearing and irrational fears of potential judgement (you see how these are all linked?)tell me that I am shit, or weird or somehow not quite what I should be.
These fears act as barriers to making connections, to learning new things about other people and to growing as an individual. Minds are made and set each day. There is no use worrying about what people think. Better to project your energy outwards, listen better, ask more questions and think about yourself in such situations a little less. This year therefore I resolve to try to do everything from a good place and with love. To listen and to learn from other's. Not to fear them.
PS. Feel free to share your new years resolutions (if you have any) with me in the comments.